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So, you’ve found your person but want to deepen your connection to each other? That is a seriously beneficial desire. Strong levels of intimacy are the key to long-standing and fulfilling relationships. Without intimacy between partners, you can begin to feel like roommates.
Losing intimacy is common among those in long-term relationships. But you can take steps to deepen your connection with your partner.
If deeply connected and intimate relationships have made their way onto your vision boards then this article is for you.
What is intimacy?
People throw around nice-sounding words a lot these days, eh? But what does “intimacy” really mean?
Intimacy can be described simply as “the feeling of being close, and emotionally connected and supported”. Intimacy is openly sharing who you are with someone else.
Intimacy, allowing someone to discover you inside and out, requires a lot of trust and vulnerability.
“There is no intimacy without vulnerability. Yet another powerful example of vulnerability as courage.”
-Brene Brown
Intimacy is really cultivated when both partners are open, honest, and vulnerable with each other. This requires courage. Intimacy is not something you can create overnight. Intimacy is nurtured.
3 real ways to infuse intimate connection into your relationship
If you want to deepen your connection to your partner there are endless ways to do so. Simply sharing an honest conversation or a long hug can increase intimacy.
Below are 3 ideas that could help bring you and your partner closer together.
#1 Schedule monthly open and honest relationship check-ins
How often do you sit down to have an intentionally intimate conversation with your partner? It’s certainly not common, but incredibly useful.
Think of a “check-in” as increasing your emotional intimacy. Create a monthly routine of “checking in” with each other to open lines of communication, and deepen your connection.
However, this can’t work well unless both parties agree not to blame or take offense to honest conversation.
Agree to cultivate a space of non-judgment and open communication. Create a set list of open-ended questions to ask each other each month.
Allow each partner to “have the floor” for each question, set a timer, and actively listen.
Try asking these questions:
What’s going on in your life that is taking up a lot of headspace for you right now?
Where are you feeling confident right now?
Where do you feel you need more support?
What do you wish we did more of as a couple?
What is going well in our household for your right now? What could be better?
How have you been feeling about our relationship these last few weeks?
What desires do you have for us?
Allow each partner to consider the question and answer honestly without interruption. This may be tricky at first but if you can openly communicate, your intimacy will skyrocket.
#2 Increase physical contact & schedule sex
This is a big one. For many couples, the sexual connection can slow down as they age or add to their familial responsibilities. But for intimate connection, it’s important that couples stay sexually connected.
Try this:
Increase touch
Simply increase how often you touch your partner. Standing at the checkout at the grocery store? Place a gentle hand on their back. Reach for their hand in the car. Touch their hair as they prepare a meal. Reassure them with your touch. This affection really happens among those who are intimate. Introduce more touch.
Schedule sex
Initiating sex can get tricky for long-term partners. Scheduling sex has an amazing way of taking the pressure off. It can offer you an avenue of initiation–that work is done. Setting time aside to connect, and love on one another is indispensably important. Sometimes, spontaneously making time for this can be hard. So, being intentional about this can be a game-changer!
Explore your bedroom in new and exciting ways
Encourage both partners to share something they’d be interested in adding to their bedroom. You could add role-playing, extra foreplay time, body oils, lubricants, massage, and spicy lingerie. Exploring new dimensions in your intimate life can also be exhilarating; for instance, trying out different prone sex positions can add a fresh and exciting element to your physical connection.
Try exploring adding sex toys to your bedroom. (Oh yes!) Using sex toys has been proven to help boost sexual fulfillment and communication among couples. Modern sexual wellness companies like BerryLemon create sleek sex toys that are amazing for couples to enjoy together.
#3 Create tech-free time in your home & bedroom
Do you often find yourself laying in bed at night and both partners are scrolling their FYP in silence? You’re not alone there. This is the age of distraction. But when technology is distracting you from real connection, that’s when you need to intervene.
It’s no secret that social media and our phones can drag us out of the moment and drag us down a scroll hole. We’re all susceptible to tech obsession these days. Social media is quite literally designed to be addictive.
But this tech obsession can drive a wedge between you and your partner.
Try to create tech-free time in your home and bedroom to boost intimacy. When the noise of social media is gone, you realize it’s just you two, in the home you’ve built –together. Put a record on and just be in the moment with one another.
Tech-free time opens the door to endless possibilities. When that massive elephant in the room is gone, you’re left with your connection to each other. Tech-free time gives you the opportunity to explore that connection.
Try this:
- Don’t go to bed while you’re glued to your phone. Keep the phone outside of your bedroom. Charge your phones in the bathroom or away from your bed.
- Put your phones on the shelf while you have dinner together. Go do not disturb mode and ignore your phone for the entire meal.
- Create tech-free Tuesdays where no phones or TVs are allowed. Grab a book, put on some music, and light a candle. Maybe start a project or create something together. But keep tech out of it.
Boosting intimacy is all about being intentional
Intimacy doesn’t happen by accident. It requires both partners to be open, honest, and vulnerable. Exploring new ways of boosting intimacy is intentional and takes consistency.
Try out some of these ideas and over time you may find your connection to your partner is strengthened in new and exciting ways.
Author Bio:
Lauren Johnson
Lauren is the founder of BerryLemon, where she works to modernize pleasure products and sex education for all.